• citizen: it's a bird!
  • citizen: it's a plane!
  • *superman flies down with kryptonite between his teeth*
  • superman: it's a metaphor

tom-sits-like-a-whore:

reasons to date me

  • no pressure to wear pants in my presence
  • or any clothes at all really
  • but it’s up to you
  • u can be big spoon or little spoon
  • totally your choice
  • i’m always ready to make out
  • aLwaYs
  • also u don’t even have to buy me things just maybe an ice cream cone every once in a while that’s it 
  • i’ll let you lick it though
  • i mean the ice cream cone
  • well not just the ice cream cone

(via giggling-moriarty)

penandpage:

itssexualhour:

so my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying the other day and we did the whole “professor and bad student who needs to pass” thing, only he wanted to be the professor, so I had to be the horny and failing student. I’m the valedictorian of my senior class of 400 and I have a horrible phobia of flunking, so when he whispered “you’re failing my class, you naughty girl” in my ear, I started crying and we had to stop

(via babymomma-drama)

shytoaster:

what-the-fuckasaurus-rex:

dicketysplit:

trying to write essays

image

what does this mean

have u ever written an essay

(via giggling-moriarty)

guy:

"hey! you can only have one!!"

image

(Source: guy, via babymomma-drama)